adopt your own virtual pet!

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adopt your own virtual pet!

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just going to your blog can make me
CRY SO FUCKING MUCH.
T-T

i feel like screaming and screaming and screaming!!!
whatever has happened to me...?

fcuk it.
in less than 10 seconds i go from normal (happy even)
to downright sobbing my eyes out.

i givegivegivegivegivegivegive up
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP!
yes, YOU, I GIVE UP!!
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
I GIVE UP
i totally give up on this
i wont evereverever bother about this from now on!!
i mean,
it obviously
doesnt
affect
you.

i feel like
quitting odac.
too many people.
wont miss me.

nevermind
juicy
juicy makes me happy.
desperate housewives - juicy?

doing maths with mbc (minus xinyi :C ) tmr!
think its time we gave jiahao jialiang and ismail names too
wahahaha
how about kopi-sio teh-sio and uh, uh, uh.
teh tarik?
IDEAS, PPLE!

vann's nick is thepeachFRUITeas.
so i guess im themangoFRUITeas
minyi is thelycheeFRUITeas
siewhwa theappleFRUITeas
and xinyi is theblueberryFRUITeas.
hohoho.

read xiaxue's blog on her 21st birthday
makes me feel happy and warm
cos there are such awesome friends around
(:

ytd at eastcoast
there was a chalet
had loads of balloons!

i like looking at all these
so fuzzyfuzzy warmwarm feeling
hahas.
wish my birthday was like tht too
;P

later mum wna go bedok corner for dinner
she wants her mutton soup
the mutton soup there ROCKS.
the guy manning the stall rocks too
supersupernice.

arrrggghhh
my head super pain
wonder why?
contact lens is it?
and lately my ears hurt too
is it the listening to mp3?
wahWAHwahWAHwah.

think i'll die faster.
lol

arts fusion coming up
hmmm
last time whn we had tickets to sell
we'll see them so aggressively
and then now
im not even selling but pple wna buy
thanks pig xiaodi and bestfriend
BUT IM NOT GOING TO SELL TO YOU GUYS
fwahahahaha.
;P
sucha meanie, me.
tsktsk.
aiiis. will probably still give them in the end
wanna see them loads.

OH YESH.
sajc concert moved to fifth may
wtfalibababbq lo.
den got school on friday
DEN CANNOT EAT BREAKFAST LIAO!
T-T
-sobs-

i give up, i give up
admit defeat as of now
(:
i dont think any amount of words or talking will ever bring back how we used to be
there's no such thing as the only one left frm firstthreemonths.
now there's other pple
quoting frm jiahao: just gotta live with it.
(:(
sad or smiling?
dontknow.

suddenly realized tht smiles online are,
more often than not,
unreliable.
for me, the truest smile is still =)
and the im-not-okay smile is :] or =] with a square bracket.
dontknow.
sometimes a person online may be chattg normally
and saying haha, or smiling
but in front of the sreen
tears are just dripping and dripping

speaking of tears.
in chinese compo i wrote:
ta de yen jing li ke bian cheng le yan lei gong chang
his eyes immediately became tear factory.
will i get marked down?
waha
._.

went to eastcoast park just now
the ski thingy is so... pointless
in a sense.
just go round and round.

did nothing much there
just stoned at the jetty
and chuichui feng
;D

there was this guy wearing rsaf shirt
flying a kite at the jetty
the kite is probably smaller than the size of my palm
and it had a picture of mickey mouse on it.
he probably made it himself i suppose
at first from afar i was like
"whats tht? look like tadpole.. look like sperm."
wahahaha

there were manymany jellyfish (jellyfishes?)
all rusty-red colour and longlong tentacles
papa jellyfish mama jellyfish baby jellyfish and peanutbutter-jellyfish.
whatever happened to all those shortshort and fatfat and therefore cutecute jellyfish?
maybe they're still at pasir ris.
hmmms.
will go visit them one day
theyre the CUTEST jellyfish.

didnt know tht eastcoastpark had so many restaurants
like 'no signboard' and jumbo.
it looks so.. hotel-ish
and doesnt seem to fit into a beach scene
one day must go there eat

went to yishun town park ytd
met this super cute guy
he's about, five or something lah.
he was riding a tricycle (see, so cute)
and looking at the drain railings or smth
then whn we walked past
he was like "see the spider web is a circle one!"
ultraaaa cute.
and then his parents were like not around?
he said they were walking further behind.

den i asked hi to name the spider,
and he named it "john"
(:
den dontknow what we were saying
he said he once saw a bigbig spider
i asked how big?
he said ninety... kilometers...
SO CUTE RIGHT.
den talkg about last time he on the plane then the plane bring him to another planet~

and then we saw the parents
they looked so fierce
i think cos the son talking to strangers,
BUT!
so ultracute luh
and we're harmless LEH.
:C

realized kent is actually a supergenius
wahhhh super cannot see it leh
somebody pass promo with all A and one AO.
and still got special paper
ive got another newfound respek arh.

house having a famine
serious lack of food
:CCCC
wahwahwahwahwah
wna eat sia
if i had $1oo now i'll spend all on food
bring it on mans.

i think i wont die of old age
whats with all the diseases and such going around
AND the stress
i wanna live in kampong!
stressless kampong!
kampong with computer and internet and aircon and sanitation and everything
WAHAHAH.

recently did a gp LEP on euthanasia.
im so totally for euthanasia.
can say im not so much of a fighter.
if i had cancer, PLEASE JUST KILL ME
maybe if there was something to live for and fight on for..
(:

my korkor's in thailand.
army training or smth.
left on thursday at midnight.
hope he brings back an elephant or somewhat.

DAY OUT WITH PIG AND XIAODI!
6thmay
cant wait cant wait
wna meet for breakfast and lunch and tea and dinner and shopping and stoning and slacking and throwing away money!!
i miss them loads and loads.
den going sajc concert
mmmm.
6TH MAY, FASTER!

urgh.
FOOOOOOOOOD.

---

havent been updating
really busy this week
YAY MORE SLEEP DEBTS TO PAY!
hurhur ;D

anyway, just some of the happenings,

HALFBOILED EGG'S BIRTHDAY (24th apr)!
gave her a spastic flower
and made her twine it round her bag!
so cute can
the bag greygrey one
suddenly got this BRIGHT red and yellow flower!
;D

I GOT CHEATED IN BAND
like, they gave me the sax
i couldnt play the lo notes (below G)
so i practised and practised
then during combined band
realized i couldnt play high Fsharp
so asked syafiah to try
and she aso couldnt play
turned out INSTRUMENT SPOIL
so she gave me another one
AND I CAN PLAY ALL THE NOTES LEH!
feel so CHEATED!
rarr-!

so yeah.
have this urge to play in combined band.
dontknow why either.

ytd while taking bus in the morning i fell asleep
den i woke up and it was POURING!
yay~
so nice cos the bus coldcold one
(:

ohyeah.
had council elections or something
freaking scary
some guy was like
"hmm i realize tht im perspiring here, how about making a suggestion for the school to install aircons?"
LIKE, THEY'RE ALREADY INSTALLED YOU TONGTONG.
everybody was like "huhs? ._."
then he went "okayokay, then can you tell me if they're just for cosmetic purposes?"
(i must say, i rather admire his command of english)
den the councillor electEE (shant name who) said:
because we're all going home soon so must save energy.
._.
dont get it.
like tht install for wht?
and where's the logic?
okay nevermind.

and then alter
the SAME GUY
walked up and asked
"if you are virgins please stand up"
i cant describe how my blood totally ran cold lah.
like, he's mentally unstable can!!
den he still tried to justify by saying wht, "oh, i just want to know if your thinking is straight.."
KUDOS TO DEXTER SIA.
dexter totally put him back in his place
president of council not for nothing.
ive got newfound respect for tht guy now.

kinda regret not joining
and pple like amy claud and jamie too
wonder how we'll all cope up there.

speaking of logic,
had gp lecture
watched an excerpt from MONTY PYTHON.
thought it was a boring oldschool show
but it was FREAKING FUNNY!
first there was this scary-like procession
wearing black robes and pointed hoods and all
and then they were singing (chanting?) in lowlow voices
(they sound real good leh)
den theyre holdg wooden planks (not too long)
and after each line they use the planks to hit their forehead
SUPER FUNNY the scene

and then the main plot comes in
this mob drags a woman to some guy who's dressed like a knight or wht
shouting "we've found a witch!"
she's like wearing this fake nose and a pointed hat.
(and she's super pretty)
and then after they had sorta settled down
the knight guy was like "so how do you know she's a witch?"
guy 1: well, she LOOKS LIKE ONE!
den the woman is like so indignant and tells the knight: "this isnt my real nose!"
and the knight even lifts up the fake nose to check can.

then,
guy 2: "she turned me into a newt!"
-everybody stares at the guy, who's obviously not a NEWT!-
guy 2: "well.. got better?"

den the knight said: "did you all dress her?"
(as in make her wear the hat and nose)
everybody: "nonononononononono yes. yesyesyesyesyes"
LOL. RETARDED.

den they arrived at this train of logic
that witches can be burnt
therefore, theyre MADE OF WOOD
wood can float on water
and so can ducks.
therefore, if the woman weighs as much as a duck,
she is a witch.
AHAHAHA.

the show is super cute lah.
and i like the way they talk
(:

was raining kinda like the past few days
all the snails come out to play
walking home frm the mrt is like walkg across a minefield
so fearful of stepping (and crushing) a snail

and its so cute
the path frm the mrt
on one particular day
there were alot of frogs
all croaking so happily.
its almost like an call and answer thing
super cute.

project work group out
XINYI!!
same group as xinyi!
today we were so spastic
we each bought a different flavour of polka tea
so im mango
minyi is lychee
siewhwa is apple
vann is peach
and xinyi is blueberry
one day we'll buy the lemon and raspberry one.
ahahah
took photos - veryvery cute (:

had medical examination for obs
man, they're like earning easy money or what lo
can you imagine, the whole jc1 cohort
paying $10 for tht signature
:C
and the medical examiner
wearing jeans skirts and stuff
one had birhgt pink highlights.
so un-doctorish.
haha.
i suppose tht's wht they mean whn they say the image is important.
you wouldnt want a punk rocker operating on you
;D

had chinese today?
then there was the rally going around
den the class was like "RALLY!"
and all rushed to the window to see
actually, the lorries and loudhailers and everything
seems kinda oldschool, haha

after band went walkwalk around yishun
hmm
there are loads of pet shops
saw the hamster cages
OHMYGAWD can.
some are like totally fun, i also want to play!
wish i had all the $$
i would buy loads of different cages for honey
den each week change one cage.
(:

saw a st. bernard!
it was SO HUGE CAN.
mann
the pet shop door, then outside just put one filmsy metal fence
and the HUGE GREAT BIG GIANT ENORMOUS GIGANTIC dog was lying there
if it was agitated, i dont think the fence will last two seconds lo.
its damn big
then inside the shop was a pekinese yapping and running around with blond hair and pink highlights.
the st bernard's face is bigger than half the pekinese lah.
relative size comparison.

ohyah
passed my chem test
feel so guilty,
im going to study hard
(lol) ;P

anyway
loads of pple having their own problems now.

minyi especially,
we'll support you whatever your decision
but in the meantime if you need help
pleasepleaseplease ask us
cos mbc rocks (:

realized tht actually im quite similar to jialiang
tht his problems are mainly what i feel.
all the stuff about
no appreciation
or being left out.

i feel like
ive just given up on mine own problems.
because its always going to be my fault
maybe i should just be thickskinned and self-invite myself everywhere from now on.
-deflates-
pointless to think about it
because, well, my presence doesnt seem to make a fucking difference.
dont give a flying rat's ass anymore.
;DDDDDDDDDDD

i mean, come on,
when i said "didnt ask meeeee!"
and they started scolding me lah
"you live so far den ask you" etcetc.
actually.. would i mind?
i sometimes feel like i would go all out to do something for pple i love.
like, mbc.
but, looks like they dont bother anyway
den she even said
"aiyah leave her alone lah she always like that"

i guess that shut me up
there's really nothing to say anymore, right?
i mean, its my fault for being "angry" because i wasnt included
and not being wanted.
from you guys no less.
okay fine.
i can no longer accept that (:

from now on
i dont care WHETHER you guys need me or not
but i do care WHEN you guys need me.
im just here.
well, not "just".
im here for you guys.
if you cry, if you have a problem
i'll give you guys my shoulder, my ears
even if my sms bill explodes in my face
i'll still reply you
if you need someone to accompany you anywhere
i'm always available.
as long as you're down
i want to try to make you happy
even if im not asked out
i'll shut up. wont kick up my usual fuss. i'll just be "there"
if you want, im there
if you dont want, im not.
even if nobody appreciates me
i'll still continue doing things for you guys - hearts, notes, cards, smiles
i know myself.
even if im the loneliest person on this planet
i know at least I TRIED.

and from now on,
you guys arent going to get me down anymore.
in a sense
i suppose i'll let this go.
(:

all "guys" refer to THE girls
betcha know that already (:

i dont ever want to get depressed over this anymore
im too petty
sensitive
and stupid.

not any more.
not as long as i can take it.

---

HAPPY HATCHES SIEW HWA!
gave her a spastic flower!
;D

no appetite..
but all that's going to be cleared by..

a bowl of cup noodles.
mmm.
cant believe im eating it on the o lvl cert
;X
well HEY, its waterproof!

sometimes taking the initiative all the same
really sucks
everybody should take turns
but guys more so than girls
;P


hmmm
love my subjects suddenly
i passed chem!
makes me feel soooo guilty.

mr lim freaking funny.
in lecture he was so fierce
then during tutorial we were like
"eh mr lim how come you so fierce?"
he was like. "got meh? uh.. that one my halfbrother."
wahaha.
jiahao added : ur halfbrother got jacket you dont have arh?
like, -.-!

econs wasnt bad today.
kinda like it too ;P

hmm
the noodles kinda suck.
:C
off to find more food!

---

-melts-

everything's sweet.
(:

havent done finish econs
not planning to
its practically like writing a textbook
rarr-

haix
:C
econs econs econs~

why is there so much month left at the end of an allowance?
why is there so much month left at the end of the maximum 500 sms?
why is there so much month left at the end of a prepaid card?
._.

feeling so not in the mood to do homework
econs and chem.
kinda forgot how to do mindmaps already
:C

siewhwa dear;
everything will be okay
;)

the three concepts of elasticities of demand.
hajahhajah

well.
looking forward?
got nothing to say..
good for you?
hope you'll be happy.

i dont feel like i would want to move anything anywhere now.
everything - just stay this way please.

feeling rather "disconnected with the world"
in martin's terms.
seven days to "resetting" my message counter
seven days to my allowance
T-T
moneymoneymoney~

one band played moneymoneymoney during syf ytd.
super cute.

and the timing was great
just after the syf ended
it started to rain.
greatgreat timing.
not so hot, not so cold.

haix.
:C

i smell chicken wings.
yay.

"chicken wing i like to eat
and everyday i eat some
ohmygoodness my coke has spilt"
miss those times.

miss being at 10F
everyday at 6 o clock at the playground or void deck
cycling rollerblading
scaling "mount everest"
playing catching
having races
waltzing on rollerblades at the voiddeck
going round and round the estate
or the pillar.

miss going up 14 floors
to play computer
to play piano
to sit around
what exactly did we do arh?
cant rmb
it seemed like we didnt do anything
yet time flew very fast.

and then with the addition of paige ryan and michael.
hopping over next door
to play dolls, masakmasak, computer
mike and miko.
and mikey's playing neopets junior - super cute.

with the leaving of xurxus and victoria and alexandra.
havent seen them in ages.
wonder how xurxus looks like.
wonder how's their home in sembawang.
miss going over to the next block
they had a huge garden
their house was lovely.
the raise platform
went over to watch cartoons
(i remember a cartoon about trees and two guy trees were fighting over a female one)
went over to play games
in the games room and there was a rocking horse.
went over to colour in colouring books
aunty alice said colour pencils should be coloured lightly
and crayons should colour darker.

remember whn xurxus got the new platform bed.
and the many steps
so fun.
and how they moved away
on dec 26th in some year.

remember all the stuffs about cars
aunty alice's and uncle peter's car was called bulldozer
could see it from all our blocks.
and then uncle jim's car - mikey rattled off the car number whn he was about two
and then subsequently drew a green blob which he said was the car
supersuper adorable.

ohdear.
reminscing of when we were five years old or near there.
miss them loads
:C

---

NIANG!
-waves-
hehhehheh.
the only "huai hua" i have abt you is tht
YOUR DOG IS SUPER CUTE.
and im so jealous :C
that's all.
AHAHA ;X

went alltheway back to school today
cos i forgot to hand up all the pi ytd
zzZZZ

anyway
the band peeps supposed to come do the banner or smth
but only got claudia whatshisname and whatshisname 2 (cos i really dontknow their names)
in the end one guy left
den left me and the other guy and claud
den she was using water to erase the chalk off the banner
since there was only one sponge
so we both looked on

i kinda know how cinderella's stepmother feels now.
POWERFUL.
hurhur.
so mean, lol.

went to watch the marching band
SO SUPER SMART.
waaaahhhh suddenly have the urge to join marching band
cos the uniform super cute.
HOHO
yusoff ishak band had the nicest uniform
bright blue blazer with white socks and everything
SO CUTE!

missed the assessment of bands
but tht wasnt the "show" anyway
arrived just in time to catch the display bands

one half of the stadium was crowded with pple
students frm the schools and everything
i suddenly thot,
like, just for the band, the whole school come down and support
aint tht something? (:

anyway
the commentator kept saying "striking up next is..."
._.

first up was tk band
theyve always been good yeah?
they twirled the instruments!
EVERY SINGLE INSTRUMENT!
so coooool can.
just tht the uniform abit dull
in fact, alot of band colours were very dull
except bukitpangjang govt. high.
they had the shiny capes
like the glitter cloths from spotlight
SUPER BRIGHT AND NICE.
den halfway change from red to yellow one.

cant really rmb which band played before another.
anyway i so love the deyi band!!
their display was like O.O
and they confirmed asked the dance club t help them de
cos the pple (all girls i think) twirled flags and ribbons and fans!
everything so nicenicenice.
and so co-ordinated
like, whn finished with one item, run off the field, will have pple waiting there to collect the item, den the next item will be on the floor they justp ick up and then run back
so super nice.
ahhhhh.

den alot of bands did waves.
like kallang wave know?
one band did it veryvery nicely.

oh, there was a rodeo band!
they were wearing cowboy hats!
i forgot what school
gold sleeves too.
and so cute!
cos they were all like gyrating their hips or smth,
SO SEXY
wahahahah.

watching them
its no wonder i love band so much
;)

PINYI!
WO AI NI!
i lurrvve pinyi
she has her own style of writing
which is reallyreally witty
ever since i knew her.
hohum.
anyway
she only wants her SAINTJOHN now
:C
boohoohoo
-sprinkles lovedust on pinyi-
;D
one day we're going to chuichuifeng.

anyway
wearing seletar shirt now!
;D

hmm
gp groups havent come out yet
other classes have le.
dont think the mbc will be in the same group
AHAHAH
where got so coincidental
if we same group we go buy 4d comfirm win and we all become rich taitai living in taihiti le.
or whatever.

LOVE SAM!
she reallyreallyreally reminds me of mish
she went for band ytd too
ehhehhehheh.
love them peeps leh.

ohwell
cant think of anything else i suppose.
probably going to sleep the whole of tmr
-snores-

---

OHMYGAWD
felt so proud of myself
cos i fixed the printer!
now can print stuffs nicenice again!
;D

seriously,
i dont know what to feel about fridays.
on one hand, its the last day of the week
on the other, its the longest and most tiring day of the week :C
anyway today didnt have econs
so not that bad

meinv, meimei, meili, meisi, MEINAO!
vann we're not laughg at you leh.
we laughg at meinao.
i repeat, whoever she is.
ahaha.

actually i like band leh.
quite commited to fridays
cos i get to play the sax!
;D
today des and mario were there too.
and MINYI finally didnt pangseh me
jamie was there too~
and SREE!!
hoohoo.

accidentally made minyi drop her phone
so sorry can :C

urgh
i hate motion sickness
:C
i thought abt why i dont get sick on 969 but on everything else
then i came to the conclusion that cos 969 doesnt stop frequently.
so i suppose that's it.
hohum.

lionel pierced his earrrrrrr!
so random.

morning breakfast club
we have so many names its spastic
but i like.
hmmm.

anyway
gotta sleep
tmr marching band syf!

---

sometimes i just have the need to cry everything out.
woke up this morning feeling better.

sometimes i wonder
why am i so sensitive?

why do i feel like whn pple say pangseh they mean it and wish i'd just die and burn in hell for eternity?
tehpeng...
please stop
im just about begging you already
dont mention lamy anymore
dont say that i drop you so easily
pleasepleaseplease.
everytime you say that
i go home and cry a million tears

why do i feel like whn i tag along pple resent me for being an intruder?
yet why is it i dont mind whn somebody else joins in the fun?

reading it
tears just roll down my face.
im touched,
im sad,
im happy.
im sorry.

im sorry
i can never overcome this.
im sorry
cos just saying hi, its like out of courtesy
isnt that what you said about my malay niang?
tht nowadays you just wave and smile
instead of hanging around like last time?
instead of being friends?
im sorry
for saying tht you dont remember me
im sorry
i cant tell you my problems,
bcos there is no time to. is there?
im sorry,
because i just see you happy with your classmates,
you enjoy spending time with them
it brightens up your day
and that's all that matters already.
i'll just be in the background
but i just want you to know
im always there if you need me to be.
i suppose
that's the only thing that i can ever do.

my sms bill is way up
i dont want to sms anymore.
i dont want pple to sms me
bcos den i'll hate myself for not replying
WHY DONT SOME PPLE GET IT?!
:C

I WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU GUYS
I WANT TO MAKE YOU GUYS FEEL BETTER
I WANT YOU GUYS TO FEEL BETTER
and im just about dying because of it!
which sane person will say
"SHUT UP! I DONT WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS!"

T-T
i feel very crushed
look, i just want to be selfish for awhile here
PLEASE LET ME BE!
i need to do my own work...
i have my own problems...

i just want to take the easy way out
the only way out.

i died.

---

am i selfish?
am i demanding too much?
am i expecting something?

i dont know leh.
i feel like i can drop ANYTHING for you both.
i have and i did.
only to be called names by others
im the infamous pangseh-er
when i go after the both of you.

yet i choose to.
why leh?
i also dontknow.
do i sound so super selfish if i ask
what about me?

i once cherished the dream of having you as my super good friend!
once, i could talk to you. really talk.
once, i could walk arnd orchard with you.
now, just saying hi
aint helping at all.
its not working~
i think we're mere acquaintances now.

so i tried
at least, i thought i did
im always the one scooting off to find you guys.
i hate it whn pple say i pangseh them
even if they're joking.
i feel like crying everytime i hear tht
(although its not like i didnt cry)
its kinda almosts breaks my heart when i hear tht.

but then.
at the very most
i get only two sentences (or only a hi?) out of you
or i get dropped the moment the SIGNIFICANT OTHER appears.

DO I SOUND SO SUPER SELFISH?
i suppose i am.

this is a rather emotic post leh.
im just venting out all this worthless shit
cos nobody gives a rat's ass anyway.

suddenly i feel like i dont fit in anywhere.
especially in odac.
just feel like an intruder in odac.
dont ask me why
cos you know.

suddenly p22 is coming right back
meihung.
THAT incident is still making me depressed.
and now, amal too.
feeling damn unwanted
extra
and intruding.
came all the way
tried so hard
for nothing.
dont talk to me about it
because it'll just make me super sad.

the inferiority complex is coming back.
when i heard tht you smsed her saying tht you will always be there,
even tho she suddenly ignored you
i dontknow.
i feel like crying already.
why is it
it seems like she doesnt need to do anything
but still?
T-T

YOU KNOW WHAT.
lets just be THICKSKIN abit.
i feel like ive already tried my very best
to still be veryvery good friends
but i still dont get it.

ARGHHHH
im pulling out my hair by the roots.
im come all this way for nothing.

im being bombarded by problems everywhere
pple turn to me bcos i want to be there for them
but where can I turn?
im just being crushed
i keep wanting them to see the LIGHT
but they are so blinded and they CANT!!
stop telling me all theseeeeee

stop telling me life is meaningless
stop telling me nobody cares
stop telling me there is no such thing as happinessssss

and you still ask me
"bad mood too right"
what do you think is causing it?

im not that strong.
im not.
im NOT.
:C

i cant stop these tears from streaming
falling down from my eyes
down my cheeks
onto the floor
its quite a puddle.
i have the need to suddenly cry my heart out.
suddenly yj aint so nice after all
:CCCCCCCCCCC
:''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''C
T-T

everything i did during
firstthreemonths
all gone down the drain.
im in no mood to try anymore.

i dont feel like talking anymore
cos it doesnt work anyway.
all the words
all trying to tell people things
1) dont feel sad
2) im here for you
3) where are you when i need you?
all my words have NEVER WORKED!

i think i felt a really great blow
because,
its been the same since secondary school
maybe im just destined to be this way?
coming to yj
tried to start life anew.
but.

everything's crashing down around me
i think ive just broken down.

had chicken cutlet for "lunch" at o930 today
and tht's it.
totally couldnt eat anything else the whole day
:C
had no appetite in the morning.
no appetite at night
OH CHICKEN CUTLET!
will i still be full tomorrow?!

had odac today
ran 2.4 without stopping!
;D
feel so proud of myself can.
hurhurhur.

had outdoor cooking too
kinda reminds me of SARDINES last time
(:

anyway today's "meal" was..
HILARIOUS.
a can of corn soup (which sounds icky)
a POTATO!!
some carrots (teeny tiny ones)
and bread.

we were debating how to toast the bread for about.. 15 minutes?
den decided to eat it raw.
"so good.. you can even eat it on its own!"
yeah sure.

anyway
the cooking part was fun
;D
in a sense.
WEIQIANG tried to kill us all!!
he added a pinch of salt to the water in which the potato was boiling.
A HUGE PINCH!
hypertension man!
and to think he wanted to add the whole packet!
:O

and then,
miracles of miracles,
the potato taste damn nice cannn
everybody was like sampling it.
HOHOHO.

group five won as the overall gourmet chefs!!
gourmet OUTDOOR COOKING chefs
BWAHAHHA.

anyway that's more or less what happened today..
got alot of feelings inside me now.
so mixed up..

feel kinda disappointed with myself
chem test and geog test
i know i KNOW the answers
but looking at the questions
i suddenly feel damn sian
so i didnt do it well.
gosh :C

---

i just wanto post some shoutouts.
tho i know only half will reach the intended?
i dontknow.

1) obviously...
im sorry.
i know its too much of me
to want to ask for your forgiveness now
you mean so much to me.
as you once said,
its MEAN, not MEANT.
ive been trying to forget
trying not to care.
trying but failed.
im sorry.
i just want to write it in black and white now:
that i want you to be happy

2) diyeh.
i dontknow why
i still see you everyday
but yet i feel like we're total strangers now
today when i saw you leave school
i actually cried.
somehow i feel tht ive lost something, somewhere.

3) jam
be strong dear.
im here for you,
like how ure always here for me (:

4) mbc
i love my mbc
really
(:

5) yannnnnn
CHEER UP YAN!
surprised?
hohoho ;D
ure my happy buddy
see each other must smile kay?
=)

i love maths nowadays.
woohoo!

during chem lecture
talkg about hybrid (new creation)
den oi was like
"hybrid.. shemale"
LOL
tht's referring to the *ahem*gayleb*ahem*
;D

anyway
ended school at 3 like i do every monday
this monday was different cos there was no bio prac.
so everybody was off at 3
but due to a bio test tmr
everbody went off anyway :C
had minyi for company!
was starving :C

den later went study area.
my tehpeng braved the JUNGLE for me!!
(JUNGLE LEH!)
oh ho ho ho.
love my tehpeng =)
she tempted minyi with chocolate
and minyi had a chocolate day
;D

found out tht derrick (desmond's brother!)
plays wicked too!
ahahahah stuck at level six
ohhohohohoho
i think wicked is too IT-orientated for a suaku like me.
haha

odac cancelled due to rain
waited 2 hours in sch for nought :C
but tht's not why i was down..

i love my laopo :)
the more i look at her the more cute she is
;D

anyway
got my very first easter egg!
its beautiful.
im filled with a sweet tingling (tingly?) feeling.
(:

alumni cancelled..
:C

anyway
this idea was toying at the back of my mind
something like resolutions.
after learning from past mistakes,

1) i will not believe rumours. jessica once said rumours destroy a person. and whn she said tht i felt ashamed tht i believed some rumours. OF COURSE, THERES NO SMOKE WITHOUT A FIRE, but tht's not for me to know. somehow i think i still need help with this one. im reallyreally sensitive to critism and how others think of me. i hope i will not believe any more rumours. so far, even when i hear things about pple i dont quite belive it, choosing to believe my own judgement. not tht im saying my judgement is the most correct or wht. but claudia said before tht "since she didnt do anything to me, and she's still quite okay to me so i'll just leave it at tht lo." thank heavens for pple who bring me to my senses.

2) i will not spread rumours! tht came after a particularly difficult lesson. one that is thankfully behind me. of course, rumours and opinions are quite different things. lumdeedum.

3) i will drop compliments. it really makes someone's day. and somehow i feel that everybody around me is soooo lovable somehow. LOL. i just keep telling them "ure so cute" or "she's so cute". have i changed? i dontknow why i feel like there's something to love in everyone around me suddenly.

have i forgotten anything?
ohwells.
dont think so.
ready to face another day then
;)

---

i dont suppose your sorry was meant for me.

im still nervous
scared of what will happen
im gone outta my skull.

well i can take a hint
when you cant even call back.
call to clarify
call to clear
but you didnt.
you couldnt.

i suppose its your revenge
i supppose you really want me to hurt
i suppose you really want to kill me.
well, then just say so.

im waiting.
i think i'll be waiting for nought.

will you even talk to me?
nah.
i suppose I DIED.

im sick and tired of this.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.

whatever payback you want to give
however you want to hurt me
just do it

i dont think ure even there to begin with.
boy do i sound like a retard.
i dontknow.
i just lose my mind.

why do i hate?
:C

its because its true
but you say otherwise

i wonder if you remember
all the moments. gifts. memories.
and i wonder if you remember the powerpoint presentation
because if you say you did
den how can you still say
"i thought you loved me deeply but things are clearer now"

FUCK IT.
FUCK EVERYTHING
FUCK EVEN YOU for saying that.
everytime i see it i want to SCREAM
i want to CRY
i want to KILL YOU
i want to KILL MYSELF!!

im scared
im really very scared
of tomorrow
thanks for making me feel this way.
thanks for making me feel so many ways.

i dontknow what went wrong
i dontknow where went wrong
i dontknow what happened
i dontknow what's going to happen

stop saying payback!
please take it back
pleasepleaseplease
im on the verge of a nervous breakdown already
take it back!!!
take it back take it back please just take it back

sometimes i feel like i could just die crying.
die of crying?
die by crying?
die while crying?

im a nervous wreck now.
i keep thinking about it.
what's going to happen?

'i used to think u loved me deeply, but things are clearer now'
i hate it.
i hate when i loved you so much
and now you say i didnt
i hate it because i know i did
and i know YOU know i did
and now ure saying otherwise
and you're hurting me!

im totally spelling it out.
I HATE IT.
YOU'RE HURTING ME.
goshh.
i want to leave this life.
:C

---

what fucking payback?
:C

was at the playground just now
could hear some father screaming at his child can.
like.. tsktsk.
the whole world can hear wht he saying
something like
"you're bloody useless if ure never going to put your good points to use!"
(duh)
"you always take the easy way out! you never had to SWEAT for anything you want.."
goshh
imagine everybody hearing this
:C

the most funny thing was
there was another man's voice frm the house opposite
it seemed liek they were talkg to each other, lol
whn one stopped the other started.
ahahaha.
:X

came down all the way
(:

oh bytheway,
MOT IS BACCCKKK CAN.
almost gave up hope on readg xiaoshann. hoho.
yeah~ love mot.

thanks loads to jiahao..
(:

one night a man went drinking with his buddies.
he got dead drunk and then returned home in the middle of the night
he staggered to his bedroom where he threw up all over himself and passed out.

in the morning when he awoke,
he had a freaking headache,
and he expected to find his wife screaming at him

to his surprise,
there beside him on the table was a glass of water
and two aspirins beside it.
there was a note reading,
"honey, breakfast is on the table. i'm out to do some shopping, love you!"

the man sat up took the aspirins and looked around the room
everything was clean and spotless.
his bedroom slippers were placed right beside the bed
his clothes from the night before were cleaned, pressed and lying at the foot of the bed.
confused, he walked down to the kitchen,
where his son was eating his breakfast

once again, everythin in the kitchen was neat, spick and span.
he saw his favourite breakfast on the table.
now really confused,
he asked his son,
"what happened?"

the son replied
"yesterday, you came home swinging and super drunk.
mum shouted at you, pulled you into the bedroom
and tried to take off your clothes to clean.
at that moment you shouted,
KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF BITCH! IM MARRIED!" "

ahahaha.
so sweet lah.
for some reason
(:

---

my legs are killing me!
but i dont mind (:

went to fortcanning park!
lololol.
its so quiet and nice and everything.
reminded me of sec two whn we went to visit the battle box
-shudders-

got caught in the rain
stayed under the shelter for about 2 hours, haha.
the weirdest thing was tht
there was another family or wht under the shelter too
they stayed for kinda a long time
and then they took out umbrella and walked away o.O
maybe they just rmb-ed they had umbrellas, hahaha
saw a coupla frogs hopping in the rain happily
and later on at night,
a snail got crushed!
;X
(kena stepped, lol)

after tht went ps for awhile
or something
den walked to taka
or something
den wanted to walk to suntec
but went back to ps
or something.
eh? i forgot luh.
walked ALOT can le
and all up and down
but, i like (:

saw lionel and ahpoh at wisma!
knew tht they both frm yishun town but didnt know tht they know each other,
lol.
i dont suppose they know tht each other knows me too
lionel looks so blur, ahaha.

went taka to eat icecream again!
butterscotch tastes like..
well, like cookie dough.
haha.
kept thinkg i was eating butter for some reason
cos of the word "butter"?
ohwell.
know wht rocky -something- oysters are?
not oysters if you must know..
bull testicles (:
so yeah. dont assume. ahha

stoned at istana park a long while too.
(:
knightKNIGHTknight~

o levels cert up!
everything will just be a row of b-threes
lol.

i love the pic i took with xiaodi
he looks so ultra blur.
hoho.
and love all the pics starring xiaoqiang
;D

yay this weekend no homework
time to pay sleepdebts
;DDDDDDDDDDD

---

tuesday 12th apr
class outing official!
the mbc were so cute
all dontwant eat so tht later go seoul garden will be more worth it, LOL
left school at arnd 1430 for causeway point seoul garden

loads of peeps were going to seoul gardens,
mainly angmokio's, causeway point's and orchard's.
i think the management were like
"huh? why suddenly so many yj reservations?"
lol.

had loads of fun at seoul garden
playing with xiaoqiang (LOL!)
they were out of mango icecream!
;CCCC

after tht
rushed for alumni.
lots smaller band now.
zat said we wont be playing pieces like
"gross" roy and jericho and all
kinda sads :C

but still, there's la cucaracha!
;DDD

love my morning breakfast club (:
was darn bored during econs lect
so took out xiaoqiang to play
kinda clipepd him to my white sleeve
and acted like he wasnt there
den later they put it on my head
and i pretended i didnt know it was there
LOL.

kinda reminds me of the time ismail held xiaoqiang up in front of the cleaner
den the cleaner was like "cockroach! throw away in the dustbin! quickly!"
den ismail still held it by the feelers and walked slowly
and VANN RAN AFTER HIM, LOL!
tht's smth you dont see everyday
a girl running after a cockroach
ahha

wednesday 12th apr
went to bukit timah to trekkk (odac)
woo!
kinda fun (:
was bullying lionel all the way man ;D
not only me, but minyi jamie charis and everybody else, lol

spotted mushrooms!
theyre soSOsoSo cute
lionel's dog is damn cute too!

anyway
the route is veryvery nice
nice to walk~
;)

reached the "summit"
and kinda played games awhile
edward the monkey
and jasmine doing the "watermelon" thingy with the accent, lol.

debated joining the big walk as a caterpillar!
so cute right!
ahhaha.
den rolled down to the foot of bkt timah agn
while leaving,
saw cj odac.
LEK!
;D

thursday 13 apr
tht's today!
went to orchard with tehpeng jam and toast today
(:
love them loads can.
was going nuts in the mrt
i love vannnnnn
"eh there got chio bu!"
"ME ARH?"
lol.

went to grab my cards
SAW NICOLE!
I MISS NICOLE!!
;D
went to buy finger foods
and then jam bought icecream
MANGO (and chocolate and strawberry)!
she's so sweet
cos whn i was abt to leave then she was like
"here! before you go one last spoon of icecream!"
sososososo cute can!
haha

met xiaodi at kallang
been a long time since i last saw himmmm
;)

today was the first time i actually fell asleep in school
not illegally of course ;P
during "bio"
jiahao ismail and i were in the library
was listening to mp3 and "sleepg"
and then woke up,
realizing tht i was actually halfway listening to one episode of zhng my car.
guessed i really fell asleep, haha

and during chinese
ended 15 minutes early
EVERYONE slept okay
not just me
haha

pw results out today
in one year's time,
it'll be our turn~

felt kinda pangseh-ded.
know tht its kinda wrong
cos if theyre really feeling unwell,
i should be not be feeling, of all things, angry..
so i'll just shut up.
really want them to take care
and not fall sick so easily

its like, problems between two pple can actually spill over..
i dont like it.

a big group is different
than pairing up
:C
wish i had a partner too.

been going to "hell" every morning, lol ;P
love tht place
its like so quiet
while the canteen is super crowded and noisy
(:

love my knight :)

sas rugby won the match!
ohdear, the rivalry is so going to grow (:
the newspapers had a couple of really um, gay, pictures.
ohwell.
everybody knows better
YAY!

OH YES
geog teacher is BACK!
no more ms. woo with her engrand and engrish
;X
but lately she's been very cute
haha.

on monday was it?
there was a letter from the public
into yj
smth bout a pregnant lady
sayign tht yj students obstructed the pathway
wahkao she was DAMMMNN SARCASTIC LO
"are you trying to say tht yj students are so high-class tht normal pple like us must scurry out of their way?"
wahhh knnfcb lah.
i think now whn the yj "paikias" see pregnant ladies theyre gna STARE DAGGERS man.
tsk.
feel soSOsoSo bushuang abt her :C

good friday tmr!
wna be unglam
wear a huge big shirt and shorts
and sit at the beach.
-dreams-

i died tht day.
a part of me died.
goodbye.

im worried about youuuuuu!

wicked level 34 ;D

---

homework!
drowning in a sea of homework
cos this week is shortened
due to goodfriday.

maths, econs, study for chem test~
JIAYOU.
I CAN DO IT.

had this dj talk today
it would have been more interesting had it been in english or smth
cos i could only catch wht the dj was saying half the time she was jabbering in chinese
but anyway
it was still kinda interesting.
wouldnt mind being a dj
except for the well, pay.

had make-up pe today
but mrs. george wasnt around -.-
so ms lim told us to run 12 rounds and do all the yadahyadah stuffs.
debated going for odac pt instead.
in the end
ran two rounds
and then zao-ded.
;DDD

laopo on mc didnt go odac
and laopa had early leave cos of stomachache
ohdear.
hope tht they both get well quicccckkk

odac was basically pe bahs.
captain's ball.
wasnt as fun
wednesday going safra.
for i dontknow wht either.

threw up twice today.
where has my appetite gone?

after school went northpoint with jiahao and ismail
took passport photos.
SO UNGLAM.
but then agn, most pple's passport photos are unglam
the only glam one ive seen is june's
she's really pretty.

ismail treated my to icecream!
;D

loads of pple are down now
i must be strong..
i feel like im already not tht strong
but yet i still listen to pple's problems
they're just stacking on me..
but i must be strong..

hopefully this friday can unwind somewhere quiet
with a lovely someone
(:

that's goodbye to you.
because i know i wont ever be seeing you again.
that's because i know if i see you
i'm just going to open up those wounds again.
and i dont mean just mentally.

seoul garden tmr!
musnt eat the whole day!
lol.
i do so love my mbc (:

now i know just how fake a smile can be.

SEOUL GARDEN!

---

GAAAAAHHHH my post just got deleted!!
anyway.

WENT SHOPPING TODAY!
this time with my mobile atm (my parents ;P)
went to parkway
orchard actually not much things luh

went to marks and spencer
everything smells so delish can.
ahha.
went around sniffing all the soaps
all smell so nice (:
bought waterlily.
no, it doesnt smell like a pond -.-

checked out royal sporting house
saw a pair of puma shoes
but didnt have my size :C

in the end bought a pair of nikes
BROWN!
now i realize tht it kinda looks like a moustache
o.O
but nevermind.
i LIKE.

bought the bag at 77th too
saw it ytd at heerens but thot it was too small
on closer inspection today..
its kinda alright lah
can fit my file can le.
;D
its a sling bag,
but DONT WORRY PIG!
i'll still buy tht tote with you
;D

set my dad back by less than $200 today
once in a blue moon shoppg (:

is it too little for you?
do you want more?
i can give you more.
its easy.
i'd just take a knife.
like all the other times ive done.
i dont exist in your life anymore.
if you have somebody else's hand to hold, dont hold mine
if you have somebody else to kiss, dont kiss me.
AHAHAH
whts with the "if" i wonder.
i cant promise you.
because i know im likely to do it.
for you? because of you?
;DDDD
i dont exist in your life anymore.
i dont want you to exist in mine
BUT YOU DO.
and im hurting.

school starts tomorrow~
monday blues?
debating whether to wear the shoes tmr
cos got pe..
but i got pe (or pt) every day of the week except thursday
o.O
hohum.
LOVE MY SHOES!
my moustache shoes
;DD

still went out in the end ;P
went back to cine to look at the bag
hmmm
the tote bag is bigger than the sling bag
can fit my file i guess
so..
i dont know, lol

there was a nice bag at newurbanmale
but its kinda fat
haha.
other than that the size is just nice can.

went to look at shoes too
so tempted to buy the brown converse shoe
but dontknow if its a running shoe
or a look-nice shoe
hoho.

didnt know there was a staircase in world of sports
so reminds me of australia
i miss australia :C

brownBROWNbrown~
my knight in shining armour (:

i miss xiaodi
havent seen him in ages.
he burnt his hand today
rope burn
:C

suddenly thought of my laopa.
he's a reallyreally great friend to have.
ohwells.
feeling really lucky (:

so, you havent answered me
does dating include holdg hands and kissing and everything else?
am i even in a position to ask?
because i cant do nuts about it anyway.
ohwell.
must control feelings then.
if you didnt stop me
there'd be blood on the floor.

actually,
i think alotta pple's scared of blood donation
cos blood is a common connotation of pain i suppose
whn there's blood there's always pain.

blood. eww
-shudders-

ohyah
the night air is really nice
was stoning in the back with miko
and i just wanted to sleep on the floor, lol.
reminded me of the 4i chalet..
love the night
woohoo.

bought my hp pouch!
its prettypretty
(:

---

its going to rain!
-prances around happily-

kinda like just woke up
i do so love repaying sleep debts.

so its kinda late to go out
so im gna finish whatever homework i have
and then go shoppg tmr!

pleasepleaseplease i need a new pair of shoes~
and maybe a bag
still deciding on a tote or sling leh.
most probably i'd buy a sling
-cowers frm pinyi's glare-

the wickedwickedwickeddddd
stuck at level 34.
IZZY!

---

SURVIVED FRIDAY!
tutorials get reallyreally drowsy-like in the afternoon man
especially econs and chem

ooooh i love maths and chem can!
;D
i dontknow why i just find logarithms damn interesting
and chem's atomic structure and bonding and everything like totally rocks
i sound like a geek, lol

had a 3 and a half hours breakk
cos gp teacher didnt come
and the chinese teacher on course
and plus a one hour lunch break~
pei-ed tehpeng during her lunch
i sosososo miss her

debated bout whether to go band or not
im glad i went!
got to know samantha better
she's like a version of mish
I LOVE HER!!
nat and guanyu keep saying we both very small size
o.O

after band
went to northpoint
debated buying the pencilcase for laopo :)
but the girl DID say tht new designs would be coming out
so yah.. will ask amy to see agn ;D
she's sick today too
so didnt get to see her :C

left np, walked to the bus-stop
to another,
and to another..
in the end walk to khatib, lol.
went to check out the statue at yishun town park too.
kinda freaky
was wondering wht would happend if the statue talked, lol ;D
stopped by the pasarmalam at khatib awhile,
den walked somemore
walked to lower seletar jetty can
haha.
its really so tranquil at night too
like tht day during pt..
i love the jetty man
it doesnt smell too bad like eastcoast one
and the view is like waywayway nicer.
the mrt looks darn cool in the night!

across the jetty were the satellites
so awed
and then further down the golfcourse or smth
so bright.
everything felt so surreal..
(:

den went to the bus stop
the probability of the two buses coming tgr was 1 in abt 10000000000000000
wait until nxt yr aso cannot.
or maybe can, didnt try

so weird, like deja vu
all day long talked abt the same thing
during band, talked bout single eye lids, fake braces etcetc
and den while walking talked abt tht too!
and different pple somemore!

anyway
kinda just wanna wish you all the best already
no point being so sad
in the end
im just making myself miserable
so just wanna give you all my blessings in whatever you do.

and laopo.
you promised to be there for me no matter what happend
so you cant just make urself disappear like that.
remember, you promised.

i miss my laopa.

the WICKEDwickedWICKED!!!
izzy has all the answers
but he's watchg tv, so im just waitg for him
LOL.
its really mind-boggling!!

---

friday is coming.
my most favourite and not favourite day
fav - last day of the week!
not fav - longest day of the weeeeek, with only one hour break :CCC

anyways.
tuesday, nothing much happened..

wednesday, 050406
i so miss odaccccc.
had odac today
ice breaking again!
but abit of running
and loads of confusion.
but still!
no-one can break me and my laopo apart!
altho mr. koh did it with one finger..
not our fault.. we were caught unawares!

after tht
rushed to justine's hse.
everybody could make it in the end
even ling could stay for dinner! ;D
except pig.. her mum didnt allow :C

anyway
thot i was really late
cos it was 7 plusplus
so rushed to tanahmerah waited at the bus-stop
and less than a meter frm me was LING!
-.-
we rotted awhile,
loads of bus 2 and 9 came and went
and then,
DORA APPEARED!
later we found out tht 'tine told all of us to take the bus frm tanahmerah
and she was wondering if we would all meet coincidentally.
haha.
bus 14 took helluva long time to come can.
and then two came at the same time -.-

got off the bus,
crossed the overhead bridge,
bought cake,
and crossed the overhead bridge again.
-.-
exercise. lose weight!
went up to 'tine's hse.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAZ!

saw magic.
as in, magic, 'tine's dog.
its smaller than cats lah.
go out for walk the cats will laugh at it one.
but its reallyreally cute
cos it follows pple all arnd
(i tripped on it can)

went to 85 to eat dinner!
its really say, not crowded on weeknights man.
on weekends its like BURSTING with pple.
so yah
we all ate and drank the same thing, haha.

later went back to cut cake!
jaz murdered her cake.
ive got the evidence here.
hoho.

ohmygawd
im just so distracted by this game..
http://weikiat.ikueb.com/thewicked/
gahhhh.
try it.
really.
its so darn fun. haha

---

i feel like i am a hindrance to you.
ure the first one moving out.
ure not a hindrance to ME
bcos im not moving
its not ur fault
in fact, its the way it bloody should be

i know i shouldnt mind,
yet i do.
i know its not within my reach
i know i HAVE to accept this
i know i cant do anything
tht i dont have THE RIGHT to do anything
BUT STILL I FEEL THIS WAY.

I SO FUCKING WANTO KILL MYSELF ALREADY.
i just want to completely erase myself from this world.

:C
somebody please stop me frm feeling this way
somebody please make me feel better
somebody please help me
somebody please save me

havent slept a wink since sunday morning.
was up thru the night
cant sleep
did the most retarded thing - pack my bag ;P
classified all my notes veryvery neatly.
lie on the bed, face up
no sleep.
ohwells.

thot could sleep on the bus
but still couldnt
today one of the traffic lights was spoilt
resulted in major jam can
zzZZ

OH.MY.FREAK.GAWD.
my aircon just switched on by itself
O.O!!
-prays prays-

startg to love econs.
cos of mr bernard syn
love tht guy loads ;DD

had odac today.
the weather was sosososo nice
like a gathering thunderstorm
so nice can (:
had icebreaking
alot of sabo-ed pple.
ahaha ;X

forgot to mention tht
t09 pple especially junJUNjun desmond (and his twin bro too) mario and aloy
brighten up my day too (:

talked to dylon and yanchao today
made dylon helluva freaking pissed, LOL!
cos we were -ahem- exchanging lame jokes
hwahwahwa.
;D

honey chrysanthemum tea
i feel the need to sweeten things up

didnt know what i was supposed to do
and so i cut them up so nice for you
feeling kinda like a fool
please tell me tht ure happy too.

alumni band tmr!
la cucaracha!
ohwells.
wanted to celeb jaz bdae but shes nt going
and sat she has band camp
:C
saddeds.
well!
there's always ANOTHER TIME!

---

i seem to have posted ALOT today.
it feels like the longest day of my life
and to make it worse
martin's quitting band.
thanks a lot dad.
tho its not ur fault, i mean, it aint forced
but i feel fucking lousy now..
:C

i feel like switching off my phone FOREVER.
look at wht u've done :C
please dont ask me who.

preliminary ideas.
TAKE MY MIND OFF THESE THINGS PLEASE.

addicted to wenrou by mayday.
it feels like an english song tht ive heard somewhere before..
but whatever.
its sad.
tht's good enough.

-BIG SIGH!-

ohyah.
allthabest for your debate jess.
why are you freaking out?
you'll do good (:

honeyed chrysanthemum tea.
ooh.
during dinner my dad took out a can of some new tea or wht.
ice-cold chinese tea tastes veryVERY wrong.
so yah
piping hot KRISanthemum tea - can't go wrong.

feel like my nose is going to drop off for some reason
it feels like the air is really dry.

eight legged freaks showing now
still rmb the first tym i watched it
i thot it was a funny show
the trailer obviously misled me (and my sis too)
its a scary show can.
so just now my dad mum and sis were watching
and my mum was doing her homework too
(still say dont watch tv do hmwrk at the same time?!)
anyway
she glanced up at one point
the part bout the motorcycles and jumping GIANT spiders
and the only thing she said was
"so cute."

i suppose she's having a fever or smth too.

its raining pretty heavy out
a moment ago the sky was rumbling and rumbling
or the thunder was anyway.

i love this weather.
love the raindrops
love the wind howling
love the smell

really describes kinda like how im feeling.
kinda like down
kinda like out
kinda like down and out..

an kinda like disappointed
kinda like sad.

:C

how to identify whether or not somebody has suffered a stroke:
1) ask them to SMILE
2) ask them to RAISE BOTH ARMS
3) ask them to speak a simple sentence coherently eg. the sun is shining today

if a stroke victim can be identified within three hours of suffering a stroke and get treatment within three hours,
the stroke can be reversed.
so please rmb these three simple questions.

"my heart really really hurts..
i feel like switching of my phone
but i know tht whn i switch it on i'll still be as disappointed, if not more so.
but if i leave it on, i'll feel disappointed the whole time.
i really cannot take this.
i want to STOP."
ouch, girl :C

chemical x and tttt.
yoke.
florence.
fishies.
laopo.
laopa.
buddy.
morning breakfast club.
man.
nic.
p22.
oi.
sy.
kelvin.
shuyu.
you guys really brighten up my day..

i find tht reading http://kennysia.com
really takes my minds off things.
as does bitsandpieces, but bnp has a HUGE archive and it makes my brains rot.
go kennysia. he's gorgeous. lol.

you know what
you can stop talking to me now.
I DONT GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE!

been having a lot of weird dreams
not say weird as in it contained weird things
but its like
during the dream if will have a huge impact on me
and whn i wake up i know there has been a huge impact
and it really stirred feelings within me be it sadness happiness or wht

but wn i wake up
i cant rmb the dream
i only rmb being lost or happy or sad or regretful or wht.
den while im brushing my teeth
im racking my brains to wht i dreamt of.
bythetime i change into uniform
i would have totally forgotten everything.
yet i remember the feelings.

is there really a better or worse?
if a person doesnt like you but likes somebody else
does it mean tht the somebody else is better and ure lousy?
LIKE DUH NO RIGHT.
how do i make you see the point?
:C

sometimes life is really unpredictable.
now i really understand why they say
live each day as if its your last.
and dont do anything you might regret later.
and do things which if you dont, you might regret later.
like saying iloveyou.
hoho.

so kelvin, see.
go tell sy you love him loads, now.
the brokeback way.
(:

feel like munching on smth
there are marshmellows but they're currently too sweet for me
i mean, i know theyre gna stay this sweet
and i wont be making them salty *ahems to gaode*
i just feel very..
i-dont-want-to-eat-sweet-things now.
nevermind i suppose i'll sleep.

and i wont wake up in the morning...
probably in the afternoon.

see kelvin. this post has so many things to do with you.
be honoured.
and dont think too much.

One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet and a sign that read: "I am blind, please help."
A creative publicist was walking by and stopped to observe. He saw that the blind man had only a few coins in his hat. He dropped in more coins and, without asking for permission, took the sign and rewrote it.
He returned the sign to the blind man and left. That afternoon the publicist returned to the blind man and noticed that his hat was full of bills and coins.
The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was he who had rewritten his sign and wanted to know what he had written on it.
The publicist responded: "Nothing that was not true. I just wrote the message a little differently." He smiled and went on his way.
The new sign read: "Today is Spring and I cannot see it."

sy gave me an interesting website.
http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/
its a personality test, taken by drawing a pig.

here's my pig.
http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/review.asp?id=1004987&code=e858fe6cb8de1df88c0f86782c3d8489

and here's sy's pig
http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=1004977&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test

he says my pig is fat.
i say his pig is too slim
and pigs are supposed to be fat wht!
then cute right!

and here's another cool link my sis gave me
http://youarelame.com
PLEASE. the name tells it all.
how to use it:
type smth like
http://kelvin.lai.youarelame.com
heehee ;D
there's a coupla versions
so change the name about three times ;P
anyway its on my links thingy.

If she dances with your friends: She loves you.
If she says, "I love you" on the roller coaster, right after you’ve puked down your shirt: She loves you.
If her parents love you: She loves you, probably.
If her parents hate you: She might love you, too.
If she ever says the words, "I hate you": She loves you.
If she knows what song is coming next on the mix CD you made her: She loves you.

If one night you go out drinking and end up back at her place, pass out together on the bed with your shoes on, and wake up a few hours later only to discover that you've peed the bed, which she takes in stride, changes the sheets, and then the next morning has a laugh about it, later leaves some pamphlets from the local health clinic about child bedwetters in your mailbox, and eventually after a few weeks tells your friends but never, ever tells hers: She loves you.

If she hides your shoes when you're late for work, and from a supine position on the couch plays "Hot/Cold" and, finally, after 15 minutes of you ignoring her screaming, "Boiling! Burning up!" every time you stalk angrily by the dishwasher, gets up, flips it open to reveal the shoes, sitting there among the plates, and hands them over with a kiss and a giggle, and then laughs some more as you tie your laces in a silent rage: She loves you.

If she calls you at work that day to ask, "How are those shoes working out?": She loves you.

If when you get home you try to hide something of hers, she finds it immediately, shaking her head, and when she pulls whatever it is—oven mitts or stretch pants—from behind the couch, she looks at you and without any attempt to hide her pity, says, "I love you": She loves you.

If she loves you, if she really loves you, you'll know it. If you can wake up to her staring at you and it's not even mildly creepy, if you catch her smelling the shoulder of the hooded sweatshirt you lent her for an autumn walk at the beach, and not for B.O., if she makes you a pancake in the shape of a shark, if she calls you drunkenly at four in the morning "to talk", if she laughs at your jokes when they're funny and makes fun of you when they're not, if she keeps her fridge stocked with Guinness tallboys for when you come over, if she tells you how she wishes she were closer to her sister and that her dad makes her sad: She loves you, of course she loves you.

just thot its kinda a sweet perspective.

---

slept in late today
so nice :)

met ling at tampines at 4-ish.
she was testg the clarinet in yamaha
sitting dwn on the floor cos she say very unglam, lol.
the clar soooo shiny can.
she's returng tmr to buy it (:

met jess and dora
went to eat!
(longjohn's again. aha)
dora's so dark now.
dragon-boating ;D
haha
went to buy cactus for matthias (:
and GUESS WHT
we bought tht walkg rabbit and chick AGAIN
was hoping he wouldnt feel offended, LOL.
but seriously, its like so cute luh.

train-ed to buona vista
and den realized - the shuttle bus is not in service after 1:48 pm (yes, one FORTY-EIGHT)!!
so went to the bus-stop
a kindly busdriver told us we were on the wrong side
omg
never felt so scared jaywalking before
cos the road so big
it was right outside the moe building, lol
niway jess says jaywalking is not illegal if there are no traffic lights within some 100m or wht.
so took the bus
kinda worried bout whr we were supposed to stop
den the building was like so huge
quoting jaz: i didnt know it would be so obvious
haha.

went to visit matt
he's so white,
and tht's saying smth bcos he's really fair to begin with.
:C
he looked like he was in so much pain :C
anyway
hoped we brighten-ed up his day! (or evening anyway)
but, he still could make fun of dora with us :P
getwellsoon butler dear.
(:
feeling kinda sad and scared seeing him this way. :C

anyway
while we were gathering arnd his bed
another bed was wheeled in
the guy was so shuai can! ;P
okay nevermind. haha
his whole family gathered round him
all looked so solemn
guess he just finished his op or smth.

walked arnd nuh awhile
brought them to the bookshop
it rocks man, now then i know the stionery so cheap
bought this ultra cute pencil!
looks like chocolate biscuits
-melts-
the highlighters were really funky too.
and the sharpeners were the best, lol.

den took cab to mrt station
was taking retarded photos in the station and on the train, lol.
den whn it got very crowded started to play mindgames..
so fun lah
johnny johnny johnny johnny whoosh johnny whoosh~
lol.

anyway went home dropped my stuff
den went dwn the road for the 6a/6b gathering
went for abt five minutes den they wanted to leave liao, LOL
couldnt recognize some pple
rinna and jasmine and peishan sure can rmb de
zhaoting still as pretty as ever
and liyu - havent seen her for AGES. she's really pretty in a quietquiet way (:
bingquan and guoquan - urms. bingquan had a trueblue (or true blond) mohawk hair which totally rocked. both looked so ah-bengish. haha
chun - havent seen him for ages as well, still the same old (:
weiwen - changed loads. handsomer now, haha
tianhong - he didnt change at all! LOL
martin - see him everyday in school, haha
and there was dangshi - he still looks the same
and were there any other pple?
of cos, kenneth and junkai luh.
ohwells cant rmb the rest
dont think there are any more, lol.

jas gave us marshmellows!
;D
just sat there listening to them play guitar
theyre actualyl quite good
so nice lah (:

zhaoting's dog is so ultra cute lo.
tiny and white shihtzu
they're the cutest
apart frm terriers ;D

actually dont really see them (the peeps not the dogs) much and often..
kinda interesting each time we meet up
and den everybody's changed so much.
so fun ;)

tmr adventure race
to go or not to go
not like it will make much difference.

---